whats in ur head zombie

TUES

ugh i got into absolut vodka, was so bad i dont want to have it any sooner, probably chang or the normal mix is okay. the thing is i got sucked into these habit day by day. I am lonely and experimental, mainly i get rush when i cud buy those blackcurrant vodka or heineken beer. gosh ill still wanted to have it ,with a friends/ppl that wud agree to go pubs, clarkequay , boatquat whatever as long as i gt to be looney with people, wen i do that in the stairs, theres that longing emptiness for the warm fulfilling buzz of commotion,noize,lights, banter,atmosphere people....however the strongest 100 proof, proved too much fr me, i kindda implored for gods guidance. im pursuing this like nobodys business, only agreeing to the want of alcohol, its entice, temptation, drunken charm, without spacing it for days, on the right ,spot on appropriate days -like a friday ,but this ,i have to had on an odd day ,thurs ,monday even, thats like premature ejaculation and adding spit to the blues..the lingering upset of stomach, spewing.
Solution: call some accomplice, plan a friday night out, go to a designated tourist location , buy a bottle on a staircse of some exotic town hideouts. u nd to have a setting and occasion, IMPT PEOPLE. at least a soul can comfort u if u vomit, overlimits,or be entertained.


other than that relationship wise, thinking abt having a guy as a bf lk thats the worst thing i want to announce to myself, which has always been fucking not done yet just a thought, always a thought,i imagined him to be fair skinned, just those ah i hv good body for god has given me im lucky, enuf lah of descriptions , its reserverd to my private sanctuary- the mental image. ok ill give u a picture, -like an angel that has fallen from the sky bt pt it in the skin of an asian. seriously wad race wud i get ,
fuck then this very piercing thought intrude into my strawberry field , the sin and transgression that id wud hve done. but just nw i formulated and give fortitude to my gilded ivory castle of apprehensions that have always guilted, blamed ,burdened. Settled on landing, wic i wud thought a place like the cinema wayout secluded area was the most lofty idea to answer to myself.gosh hw cud i ever gain access to the place. so it came dwn to this="u had to try it, u are in ur phase, u will soon know if this is for u, u will learn. "

there were other things like the tabligh group-or bangladeshi originated neo-evangelist movement, ugh i must do the work of a dai, the exclusive, tailored, customized mentoring consulting targeeb attracted my mind about wanting not to shed light but to ask the elders, bt its realli too revealing.. i confess. bt the one with reliable experience friend ,i spoke to.

i managed to ask out ppl i cud ,shud hv talked and asked, im tired....