Somewhere over here

sore. im not a loser. my mind is not in the here and now. Im already lost ini in the atmosphere. Its so great to venture. drops of jupiter. its much more turbulent there, thunder is 56 times powerful. swirling wasp of gases. i seriousl dont know wahts happening, what i miss. what do i miss. i already dont find anything meaningful, its like really ive lost something. Theres really nothing more. dont take me for suicidal. i dont know la.
i can go teach red cross, contribute back...what else.

The tick tock of dread

its like slow and boring. YOu have time but dont know what to fill it with. Irritating freak shit. Ok lah its nt lk i totally have nothing. That wud be a deathnote. some exam topics for saturday class, pp report, but fuck need such a high commitment or concentration. Fucking poly life, empty promises. OKay also got some irritating errands to run. BTW why is all my music on gregorian, its on shuffled...its kinnda intuitive to my feelings or moods at the time. Seriously windows media player is so magical.

Its lk soothing the frustrations and turbulence inside me. But y create the strife at all. ANd i have been searching for answers ...and i figured them out, like flashes of insights. attunement..its like i just have to reach out to the infinite resources of consciousness.

now its changed, larger than life. just ytd, i read deepak chopra, philosophical, abt archetype, levels of existence, desires, intent, meditation.

I love poland , now

Beating me down

ok now im not doing it alone. hilman was the accomplice, you know had to settle at one of those blocks a woodlands and get down with the drink already, it is so tiring to walk around woodlands, distances are astronomical. So because of my insistence, influence somebody is downing his first foray of alcohol, beer ,vodka. First step solved , at least i dont have to drink alone, and splitting the cost too.Taking it to another level, ill have to follow some club-goer to accompany me.

anyway my gpa was a terrible wreck of unfortunate tragedy. accumulated by o.5 deductions ,can you imagine having 6average per 4 module , thats like minus 12. crazy . now i really got to discipline myself to being there before the fasci does or 914 a safe bet. at least better than people who come for 1 week once. i cant balk or despair cos its my lzy indulgent fault. just get b or a for daily grades, and b+ for uts...somehow retake those fucked up e+ fasci faulted modules. and maybe i cud end up with a 3 at the end of 11/2 years more. my chance at local uni i can fucked out, fuck my life, even those paikia losers can get 2.6/8....im a pathetic unsuspecting lamer.

maybe social events, gatherings, money and intoxication will make me feel like im not losing. which also mean i have to keep a part-timer like some people can. end of the day i dont want to be some ass-fucked loser who dont have an outlet to cast out my heart-ache, already what i imagined and ambitioned for writing and sport ig, cant even publish a single shit of my work...maybe my friend is right im such control-freak, i should just take things in stride, experience for nothing, maybe not what i imagined ,or always wanted, but i can get by...at least make something happen.